A Tale of Two Breast
by Osa P
Summary: The tale of Lina Inverse, her two appendages, and other randomness. Contains moderate bashing of at least 2 characters. Pleez do not be offended.


Author: Sari  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: Lina x Gourry  
Warnings: Fairytale, boobie jokes, my pitiful attempt at Slayers fanfiction, stupidity  
Archive: Source of power know my blight. Release the Light! ARCHIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. I do, however wish I owned Hikaru-san. *sigh* He is so hot!  
Feedback: Pwease. Yes I know this is a stupid fic, but stupid fics deserve stupid comments. E-mail me at sari-chan@excite.com  
Extra Warning: I don't want any flames for this. I'm just messin' around, okay? So if your favorite character gets dissed or somin' just laugh it off and move on!  
A Tale of Two Breast  
Once upon a midnight dreary....... nope can't use that.....  
  
Wazzup my T. dog home fry skillet momma cracker-jack?!....... no.......  
  
Once upon some place out in the futuristic country side where ppl's who know lotsa magic reside. Hm. Good enough.  
  
Anyways, in this place there lived a young and beautiful maiden. She was a sweet girl with passion for witchcraft. Everyone in town loved her dearly.  
  
"Oh my potatoes! It's the Dragon BITCH!!!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHH~!!!!!!"  
  
"Dragon Slave!"  
  
Did I say EVERYONE loved her dearly. I meant many ppl loved her dearly. *looks at charred remains of villagers* Okay, so she was a bitch at times, but that doesn't mean nobody loved her.   
  
Well, one day, an old washed up (Sailor Scout) came by her humble abode. The OWUSS was looking for a place to stay for the night, or at least a bite to eat. Unfortunately Lina (the beautiful maiden) answered the door.  
  
"A place to stay?! What does this look like, some kind of inn?!"  
  
"Can I at least get some bread for the road?"  
  
She chomped down on a piece of homemade sweet bread. "Nope. Too bad. It's all gone! Now get outta here before I use my Dragon Slave."  
  
The OWUSS magically became a not so old, washed-up, beautiful fairy thingy with wings. She had long strawberry-blonde hair and bright blue eyes.  
  
"You who can't even share bread with a OWUSS are doomed to a life of accusations and satanic ways.", she said. Lina kept eating. "And you dare not show me respect?! Fine! You shall be sentenced to having small breast until your prince charming, or whatever, comes by and does some shit!"  
  
"But I thought you were supposed to give details.", Lina said still munching on whatever she could get her hands on.  
  
She tossed her hair. "That's far too easy. I want you to be suprised when your breast grow back."   
  
A young blonde boy wearing a rose colored shirt and a dark vest walked by. The fairy thingy's eyes widened. "QUATRE~!!!!!!!" With that she ran off after the poor boy leaving Lina with her still small breast.  
  
******  
  
Years later, Lina's parents were tired of having her in the house- I mean decided she needed to be married. Her father sent for all the suitors that mattered and had them stay at their house/cottage/castle/mansion. But it seemed as soon as another one arrived he ran screaming, with a toasty butt.   
  
mmmmm.....toast.....butt.......butt-toast....... *blinks* Sorri.   
  
Lina's parents were distraught. They even went as far as to send for girls also.   
  
"But I'm not gay! I like men!", Lady Martina shouted.  
  
"Go to hell!"  
  
Unfortuantely even the girls ran out with toasty butts.   
  
Finally, Lina was fed up with having a small chest and decided to commit suicide. She stabbed the knife through her belly and laid down on her bed to die. But this is a fairy tale so she has to live and stuff. The knife only put her into an unbreakable sleep filled with dreams of big-chested-ness. I think the fairy thingy was and still is a sadistic bitch! *bonk* Itai! .....beach......  
  
******  
  
Out in the woods a young, blonde, and quite stupid swordsman was on his way to Lina's castle/cottag/house/mansion whatever thingy. He had braved every danger of the woods to meet the fair maiden with the negative a cup.  
  
When he reached 'the place' he dramatically climbed the stairs to her room and gazed in upon her beautiful form. She was sprawled across the bed with her tounge hangin' out and drool halfway across her face. Not to mention she was snoring.  
  
But the idiot, now known as Gourry, paid no heed to any of this. All he cared about was her chest. Such a small chest it was. And to think she would have been so beautiful with a c cup. And so he cried. I mean he out right sobbed into her chest.  
  
And as with all fairy tales, she magically woke up......and kicked him in the face. But also magically, her breast grew to an unspeakable size.  
  
"This pervert is my prince charming?!", she screeched. "Dammit all to hell!"  
  
Nevertheless it was love at first sight. Right then and there they made nookie and got Lina knocked up. Though she had tried to stab herself to keep from getting pregnant the author and fairy are both malicious bitches and put everything back where it was supposed to be.  
  
And the lived bustingly ever after.......muwahaaa!!!  
  
****** 


End file.
